WHAT I LEARNT FROM: Really Forgiving Others

I thought that we all learnt in school at least that when we do someone wrong that we apologize (even if we don’t really mean it) and we hug it out and move on. I thought that was how we forgave others. Well, maybe at that time we didn’t really hold on to pain as we do when we get older.

But think about it, kids were stealing crayons and our best friend’s seats on the bus and we forgave them more quickly than we do anything that people do now. Those things meant the world to us then and we did forgive, why can’t we do it now?

Sometimes I wonder if that did more good than harm, that whole “apologize even if you don’t mean it” or “forgive and forget even if you are not ready to”.

And I know, we all are called to forgive. It’s a requirement for all believers of Christ to forgive. I watched a sermon some months ago with a friend because we wanted to be intentional about forgiveness and it really revealed a lot to me.

I remember during that time I really wanted to ensure that I was taking all the right steps and saying the right words when I forgive someone.

I asked my mom one day in the car on our way home how do you know you have forgiven someone and she said something that really changed my perspective.

You know you have forgiven someone when you’re able to put them in the same position they were in your life before the offense.

Now I see the eyes rolling already. It’s not that you should, but if you can place that friend, relative or partner back in the position they were before they offended you or brought you pain, how comfortable would you be? Just think about it. Don’t go and do it now.

Same position mentally and emotionally. Treating them as God has instructed us to treat our neighbors. Could you do it?

And I really began to think about it because for the most part, we are taught that we can forgive someone from a distance and be okay.

I personally knew that wasn’t working for me because whenever I came in contact with people I needed to forgive, I physically was uncomfortable, I emotionally was flustered and all the pain came back to the surface.

After that day I began to really think about all the walls or the “defense strategies” that I made after I claimed to have forgiving someone.

I also learnt that forgiveness is a requirement (I know I said it before but we all need to hear stuff again). It’s the very foundation that we are saved.

I’m thinking back and I remember saying to myself that I wouldn’t want unforgiveness be the reason I don’t make it into heaven. I never wanted it to be because of something I didn’t do.

So I fought my way to be where I am now. Now, I’m not saying I’m the Queen of forgiveness but I am saying that I’m not longer believing in the counterfeit way of forgiveness.

What Do I Mean?

It’s not that you actually put that person in the same position as they were literally. You think about them in that way. Let me give an example.

Let’s say I had a friend that offended me and we were going to move in together. We must have had a really great friendship if I was considering leaving my room that was free to co-exist with this person elsewhere.

Eventually, they move in with someone else and I am left back at home with my parents, I’ll start thinking of all the things that this person promised and what we were going to do together.

If I “think” about where I was before this person moved in with someone else, we were close to the point where we would move in together. I am not saying I’m going to move in with them, but I’ll think of them, if they are sorry or not, in the way that I knew them before the offense. Now I know, people’s actions tell you who they are, but what if I still thought of them in the “pure” way I did before? That is how I know I have forgiven them and let go of the offense.

So I’m not telling you to go back to your abusive ex or manipulative friend. If you still have to be in contact with them, don’t be fake about it, but treat them with the same grace that you would before the offense.

After God forgives us, He doesn’t treat us like our sins, He treats us as His sheep. We should do the same with our offenders. Treat them as His sheep. At the end of the day, if you have to cut all ties with the person, do so with grace.

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So I’m going to challenge you on what my mom told me. If you were able to put that person that you need to forgive back to the same place that you and them were before the offence, would you be completely comfortable?

Be blessed guys.

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Ruth Writes

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