REFLECTION: Ending of 2020

2020 is one of those years that many people wish never happened, or don’t even want to mention when they take a trip down memory lane saying, Remember that time we…?” I, for one, am one of the few that really loved what 2020 had in store for me. Even in light of the biggest problem of 2020 being #coronavirus, I have to say that 2020 was one of the best years of my entire life.

A lot of my friends play a major part of who I am today, so don’t pay any attention to how many times I say, “A friend of mine…” I didn’t even realise until I sat down and really thought about how, in each and every step that I took this year, a friend was behind me, or their decisions pushed me out of my comfort zone.

A friend of mine (hahaha) told me that, during quarantine, she found herself paying more attention to loving herself and no longer being dependent on what others had to say or defining her worth based on the attention she was given by those around her. For me, it was really exciting (even though I didn’t really show it. It’s because I am sooooo chill. You know?) She really pushed me in the direction of being more purposeful again about how much value I place on myself, not because of those who are or aren’t around me, but because of who I am and Who made me. I know a lot of people always see me as “the confident one” or “the outgoing one”, but there are days that I just want to curl up in a ball and roll on to the Motherland.

I started a VSCO account this year. (I must say that if you told me that I would do this when I was thirteen, I may have called you a liar). That friend of mine with the newfound self-love?? She told me that she was planning on venturing into it, and I was so excited for her that all of the confidence she had in creating her virtual album poured right into me. Now, I’ve always loved taking pictures and taking pictures. Yes, you read that correctly. I love having my friends pose and being the one the camera focuses on. Funny enough, my sisters and I regularly have random picture taking moments, and my Snapchat is our testimony in photography court.

When I posted my first picture, I thought about how much I’d changed. The genuineness of my smiles were no longer based on who liked me, who noticed me in the halls, or even whether or not the lady in the canteen took long to serve my food. Rather, they were based on how I chose to now see myself through the eyes of Jesus. As I mention that, I think about all those times that I saw God do more than just be present; He moved in my life, changed some things, and has made me whole again. He began a good work in me and will see it to completion.

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I also started this blog. DUHHH. I was talking to a friend recently and I was reflecting on the fact that I made a “Google Blogger” account when I was like 14/15 somewhere there, but never published any work. It really is amazing how God just reminds us of some things that we started but never saw through to the end. That is a whole word though because a lot of the time, we are so focused on what other people are doing that we fall off track from doing what we are called to do. Thankfully, I must say, I am now in a place where what matters most for me is pleasing God. So, I started posting on the same  “Google Blogger” account I made.

I cry in awe sometimes. I saw some readers from countries that I know I don’t know anyone from. That is how you know it is serious! For years I hid from anything like writing because I felt as though writing means people will be expectant and I wouldn’t be able to come through for them, you know?

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Although this blog was a very general outline of my year, trust me when I say that I had a fantastic year. I met people from different countries who speak different languages. I changed my hairstyle and painted my nails a different colour than usual. I started to pursue my degree in Journalism, all in 2020. I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE this year.

Many opportunities came from putting myself out there. My motto for this year was this: “Do everything you desire, even in fear. If you are trembling to perform, still perform”. When I was scared to do things, I got it done while scared. For me, there’s this high and this comfort I feel in the middle of starting what I love, and because I thirst for that every time, I never allow fear to rob me of that feeling.

I do hope you all have a safe and love-centered holiday season. I do hope it is filled with exciting news and plans to catapult you into the New Year. (Yes, I said catapult). Personally I don’t think we need to wait on a new year to get ourselves together, and I am sure that quarantine taught many of us that. One day in about March or April I went to Fontana and I saw a lot of people purchasing notebooks and stuff that you’d need for self development and “Vision Boards”. I smiled at that because at the start of the year, many of us wanted #Vision2020 to be our year. We somehow went on to the busy things all over again. It is important that, even if it happens mid-year, we still go back to our drawing board and reflect on where we desire to be. 

Don’t ever think that our year can only be good if it started that way. It has little to do with how you started it, and more about how you ended it. Sometimes, we start the year with our plans but then… life happens. Let 2020 teach you that God really should be our pivot. Allow Him to guide your years, your months, your weeks and days and, after doing this, you will begin to realise that God’s plans exceed all the marvelous plans we have for ourselves. 

Quote from a friend: “You can receive sunshine in the rain when you least expect it.”

I really do hope that, before the year ends, you think about the great things that happened in your life this year regardless of the pandemic. Merry Christmas though it has passed, and Happy New Year when it comes!

~🇯🇲 The CreatOR creatED a creatIVE – Queen Ruthie 🇯🇲~