Some would say you’re at an awkward stage: You’re an adult, but still not out of your teens. But you’re never this young again! Happy Birthday, enjoy it!
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Disclaimer: This blog idea was for my birthday on November 2020, but I was so scared of the number 19 that I kinda left it in my drafts. While I was on the road one day, I thought about random times in my childhood when I thought I had it altogether. Or about the days I got my first heels, or when I first took the taxi by myself. Eventually the next post like this would be “20 Things I learnt By 20”. I didn’t want to not start at the year 19, because that age is important to my present growth. I know, I am mad at myself too, but we should leave no lesson behind.
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Now that ya girl is baking and her season is being preheated, I just want to thank you all for supporting me throughout the years and those who my have been on my team before I was even conceived, I SEE YOU AUNTIE/UNCLE!!! This journey has never been easy and it will get no easier, but companionship and the HS (*inserts explanation of why I say HS instead of Holy Spirit – cause we rock like that, wuss good?*) will make it a much better experience.
One of the most difficult things that I had to come to terms with for my 19th birthday (and now my 20th) was that my grandmother (my mom’s mom) would not make that annual birthday call. It was really something that I thought about right up to my birthday. You know how no one thinks that a family member dying can happen to them until it happens to them? That happened to me.
I am now 20 and I am officially more-adult. Something that I really had to think about was that I never thought that would be where I am now at 20. I know I am really hard on myself so I think more like this, “there is so much you should’ve done by 19, you are so behind.” And to be frank, this time around, I really am proud of myself for what I have accomplished. The best way I can look at the progress I have made is to look at where I was a few years ago and think of if I was at the same place or didn’t make major changes, if I would be where I am now.
One of the most beautiful things that I can definitely say I am excited about is the maturity that has my name written on it in this season, you know? As much as we talk about these things that we dread to face in adulthood, there are still lessons to learn and I am pumped to see what more can learn about myself and just watch myself flourish, breakdown, be uncomfortable, heal, and accomplish many and great things. *I know I might change my mind when that first bill comes. Siri play, “Let Me Live”*
20 THINGS I LEARNT
As individuals, I think that it’s important for us to sit down and really reflect on all the things that we have endured over an extended period, and what we have learnt. Now I know I learnt A LOT after being nineteen for a year, so I am about to delve right into that.
20. Believe that you are doing something right.
One of the biggest lessons this year was really to accept that I am responsible. I am responsible for how I treat people. I am responsible for how I talk about myself and I am responsible for what I do. There is no way that I am doing everything wrong. What do you think?
19. You will ride the hardest for you.
Now I don’t want to sound too, “Lord who hurt yah child”… not my mantra at all, but sometimes it is important for us to see that if we don’t get stuff done, ain’t another soul about to do it for you. And because we know this, we don’t sit down expecting others to encourage us 24/7 to do our assignments or to take us out to clear our minds from school.
18. Life is the most valuable gift you have.
Most times, we think that “we only have one life” and that means we should let what is to be what it is when, really, it shouldn’t be. We should live every second of the day as if it were our last. Regardless of how life treats us, we should treat life as the most valuable gift we get from God because it is the most valuable gift from God. Life means opportunity. We have a chance of making changes, learning, or just loving each other. The very breath in my lungs is a gift, and I realised when I treasured it, I saw my life from a different angle and providing more excitement to the completion of God’s work.
17. Budgeting is a life saver.
Random right? I never realized how often I was making purchases that were really unnecessary. I now do not even leave the house without a detailed plan of how I spend my money. I did some crazy overspending that resulted in me having the opposite of Big Bank. I was lacking in that department and now I happily can say that I am a better spender because of my monetary experiences.
I also have to thank the books that I have been reading this year that are also a part of that mindset shift.
16. Do Not Change.
See, if you are a dedicated reader, you would know that this, my friend, is the title of a blog post I published in January of this year. Something that I had to learn is that bringing my truest self to the table is one of the most important steps in accomplishing some dreams and desires that I have.
15. Be at PEACE with your decisions.
Now, I had a lot of offers this year that I could have taken but knew that I would not enjoy. There were some other decisions that I knew would only help in the moment’s spur and in no way help future Ruth. There were some decisions I made, and they were time sensitive, and there were some I had a lot of time to think about. Regardless of the type of decision I have to make, I must be okay with them, and accept what comes with that, taking responsibility.
14. Leave your house.
I know, it took me a very long time to realise that I need to be out there; I need to socialise with my friends, and family. I needed to get in touch with human interactions again. I had to understand that there are some things that I will never understand or experience over the phone or just with distance. I did not realise how much I needed things, like a hug or seeing someone smile at a gesture, etc.
13. You can write.
Okay, I know. It took me all this time to accept that writing is my thing, without shame. I think for a long time I was not public or open about my writing because mostly, the surrounding writers in my life never were actually like me. Their aesthetic and themes were things I didn’t relate to. Yes, I love to read, but I also do not feel the pressure to put out. I think I have been at a place where, if it is not o good quality, I am not rushing pushing it out. I want to be “pen approved” by people who know the craft and I seem to be up to something.
I think I also had to see or witness a few “but this nice Ruth” moments before I realised I might be up to something here. I never found writing or brainstorming difficult, never experience writer’s block and my friend troubles me about it, but I never saw that as a gift.
12. Nobody can change your mind.
Something a friend of mine says all the time is, “you are dependent on you…” And that is just the reality. We can say anything that we want, but unless you choose to change, it won’t happen. If you plan on doing something, you are going to get it done. Know what you are capable of and do what you need to get done.
11. Treat yourself.
Shawn Mendes told us he can treat us better, but let’s not wait. I spent more cash than I usually do on myself. Mentally, I still think about it and try to remind myself that it was for a good cause. Sometimes you just have to get it done, especially if it is something you really want. This week my dad said: “make the decision you want” and at the time I didn’t realise that this is also how I can treat myself.
10. Get more involved.
I have done so much since I started university, which I should update you guys on, but one of the most exciting things is that I can care about things and do something about it. I can help plan events I care about and know that it is helping someone. This in my future in a big way, I just know it; just helping where I can and being intentional about working with amazing people with a similar vision.
9. Go to your bed.
NO seriously, just rest. Deal with it in the morning, think about it at a more convenient time, until then, put down your phone, your tendencies to avoid your emotions by occupying your mind and attention elsewhere, and sleep.
8. You can start over or continue.
There is no rush. I literally was talking with a classmate this week about how pressured I have felt almost my entire life to compete with myself. Now we all know those talks about only competing with yourself but we need to talk about running to beat a time that has not even been set. I used to feel too old to start things and too young to start others. I have felt too behind to start over and too far ahead to still attempt. I am not doing that anymore, praise Jesus.
7. Pay attention to your habits.
I had an awakening a few months ago from someone who pointing out that when I cannot work to the best of my ability; I shut down. For whatever reason, I disconnect socially, no longer check the boxes I usually do in some areas of my life; I did not know that. That made me try to be more aware of the moments that I’m beginning to feel maybe burdened with workload, an emotion or situation and try to solve them, or communicate about those moments, so those around me know how to work around it.
6. Sit it out.
There will be times you will feel at your lowest, but sometimes the best thing to do is to ride it out. You will be fine. You have people in your corner. Sometimes you may need to reach out to someone. Don’t blame yourself for everything. We are in a pandemic. You’re not the only one feeling like you’re suffering in silence. If you have no one that you can trust with expressing how you feel at your lowest, call a hotline. Don’t give up, please.
You can buy me this book by the way, thanks!
5. You are being watched.
I think one of the most remarkable moments of this year was hearing those messages, calls or reminders that I’m doing something admirable. I think that we all are a role model to somebody, no matter how unseen we feel or if we are not thinking about it. Now, this does not mean you have to feel forced to do or not do anything. You don’t need to be an influencer either, just bless your tribe.
4. Laugh, smile and appreciate.
You don’t have to force your laughs, you can smile without being a walkover. You can be very appreciative, you don’t need a reason. Thank people. Think about them and make them aware of how you feel about them. It is so much better that you share a whole lot of your love than nothing at all. Sometimes people need to hear that they are doing something right, and your appreciating can give them some encouragement. Experiencing the pandemic can be lonely, don’t leave any man behind.
3. Share your stories.
We forget we are not alone. I think we also forget that we have been at a place where there may have been a few words we needed to hear. I strongly believe that we all have a survival guide story or two for someone else. Of course it may have been a long time for you or maybe a hard place to go back to, but that story might save someone’s life.
We need to hear about you. The industry, whichever you fit in, needs your contribution.
2. Write.
I write, but I need to write. I need to face my fears. I need to not rush myself but work with what I know works best for me and my creative imagination. My lecturer last year told me that my imagination is very active, and I am honestly happy about that.
1. Take chances.
Go out of your comfort zone. Try new things. Do what you said you never would have. Rethink and go fix what you said you’d never recover from. Buy the thing. Travel. Invest. Live. I never want to just be here. I want to say; I have lived.
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Happy Belated<3
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